“For His anger lasts only a moment, but His favor, a lifetime. Weeping may spend the night, but there is joy in the morning.”‭‭Psalms‬ ‭30:5‬ ‭HCSB‬‬

I am overjoyed, the Lord is so good to me! That’s all…that’s everything!


Day 2

“Today bring to Me the Souls of Priests and Religious,
and immerse them in My unfathomable mercy. It was they who gave me strength to endure My bitter Passion. Through them as through channels My mercy flows out upon mankind.”
Most Merciful Jesus, from whom comes all that is good, increase Your grace in men and women consecrated to Your service,* that they may perform worthy works of mercy; and that all who see them may glorify the Father of Mercy who is in heaven.
Eternal Father, turn Your merciful gaze upon the company of chosen ones in Your vineyard — upon the souls of priests and religious; and endow them with the strength of Your blessing. For the love of the Heart of Your Son in which they are enfolded, impart to them Your power and light, that they may be able to guide others in the way of salvation and with one voice sing praise to Your boundless mercy for ages without end. Amen.

The struggle is real.

Yes Lord, the struggle is indeed real.  I just have to keep on.  A couple points today.

1.  Last night I was feeling really down on my decision to return to Catholicism.  I was regretting it.  I was feeling sorrowful for it.  I was thinking once again, I bought the enemies lies.  I woke up and was like “I am not going to Mass”…I searched up the time for my in laws church service.  I debated going to my baptist church.  Then I debated not going anywhere at all.

I sat and checked my email and the Mass readings where there and then I said, I must go to Mass.  I went solo, left the little kids home….I will get back to this after point 2.

2.  I then scrolled through my news feed and saw an anti-Catholic page gripping about the canonization of Saint [Mother] Teresa of Calcutta.  The comments on the page were exclaiming that Mother Teresa was lost and never knew Jesus because for years she talked about the darkness and doubts that filled her soul.

In the darkness . . . Lord, my God, who am I that you should forsake me? The child of your love — and now become as the most hated one. The one — you have thrown away as unwanted — unloved. I call, I cling, I want, and there is no one to answer . . . Where I try to raise my thoughts to heaven, there is such convicting emptiness that those very thoughts return like sharp knives and hurt my very soul. Love — the word — it brings nothing. I am told God lives in me — and yet the reality of darkness and coldness and emptiness is so great that nothing touches my soul.

Um….hello….this is me!  I have been seeking The Lord for the past 20 years.  I have been “saved” and yet still was not free.  You know how Jesus says knock and the door will be opened, ask and Ye shall find.  I have done those things.  To the naysayer who says I was never truly saved.  I have seen God work in my life and know He has guided and answered many of my prayers.  He has walked with me through dark times.  But in this specific area, my relationship with Him, he is quiet.  There is a distance, there always has been. 

3.  So I went to Mass.  I am comfortable there.  I enjoy the peace that the sanctuary brings.  Quiet.  Prayers.  I am not good at praying freestyle, so I do use the prayers written in my prayer book.  They are no less prayer than singing hymns written by someone else is worship.  I prayed and participated in the Mass like it was my job.  Every word I uttered I meant deep down.  My mind wandered a little, I got distracted some, but I kept pulling myself back.  Holy communion comes and I receive the Holy Eucharist.  I am praying the prayers in my prayer book and suddenly I just stop.  Tears fill my eyes and warmth washes over me.  He is there.

Saint Teresa and I are going to become friends.  As Father had said to me, this struggle I have he cannot answer.  I have to answer it myself.  With Gods help of course.  Thankfully Saint Teresa has gone through this and will be able to help me.  

I am counting on these words.

“If I ever become a Saint–I will surely be one of ‘darkness.’ I will continually be absent from Heaven–to light the light of those in darkness on earth,” Mother Teresa

The Veil.

If you recall my post several weeks ago where I talked about coming full circle and the struggle I had with Catholicism and how the struggle was circular.  Like a merry-go-round, I was constantly spinning between Catholicism and Protestantism (specifically, Baptist).  In the past week, God brought back to mind something that He had been preparing me for….The Veil.

It all makes sense now that satan would attack me while I was growing in the Lord.  He is so cunning, that his attack had me believing I was dishonoring the Lord, when in fact, I was walking where He wanted me to.  He does that with all of us.

I had purchased my first Mantilla, I hadn’t the courage to wear it yet, but I carried it with me to Mass.  And then at some point I stopped going and threw the Mantilla away.  Fast forward to present day, I was reminded that God had called me to this, and now I am waiting for pay day to purchase a Veil.  He has literally picked me up where I left off.  I may not have all the answers, but I am steadily learning, praying, and leaning on Him…and I know that there is no where else God would have me be today.

Your eyes are the windows to your soul.

Do you believe that old saying?

How about this one?

Matthew 6:22 “The eye is the lamp of the body. If your eyes are healthy,[a] your whole body will be full of light.

I do believe these words, wholeheartedly.  You cannot un-see something.  Once you have seen it, the image is forever etched into your memory.  You may have lapses of memory, but something will inevitably assist you in recalling what it was that you saw.

There was a moment this week that really took this message home for me.  I read something.  It was something that I will never be able to unread.  It repulsed me.  My heart filled with anger, and hurt.  My stomach turned sour.  The day I read it, I dwelt on it, I couldn’t let it go.  But…it began to fade, which was good, but then today I read something somewhat related, and it brought me right back to the other day.

The whole point of this, be mindful of what you let your eyes see.