A week ago God brought to mind something He had done for me. I have been thinking about it since and am going to reach out to the woman He used, the woman who obeyed Him, to let her know He had used her. But first I wanted to share a parallel He used today.
““How can I know this? ” Zechariah asked the angel. “For I am an old man, and my wife is well along in years.” The angel answered him, “I am Gabriel, who stands in the presence of God, and I was sent to speak to you and tell you this good news. Now listen! You will become silent and unable to speak until the day these things take place, because you did not believe my words, which will be fulfilled in their proper time.””
Luke 1:18-20 HCSB
We are heading into the Christmas season so therefore, Scriptures will reflect this. Above is a portion of the scripture we listened to and studied this morning. It brought me back to God’s answer to my prayer, and this woman.
Here is my story… I hadn’t been going to church, haven’t been reading my bible, or spending any time in prayer for some time. I did feel guilty about it. Something was holding me back from returning. Pride? Shame? Fear? I had started talking to God and I was as real as I could be in these moments. I asked God why faith can’t come easy to me. Why can’t I at least be certain I am on the road He wants me on. I even asked Him to help me be sure of Him otherwise let me be atheist or agnostic, that way I wouldn’t have to deal with anymore periods of confusion.
Whenever I spend periods away, I always come back through the Catholic Church. I am beginning to see that it is a familiar place. It is a doorway I go through, I make a call, rest a little, until I am ready to proceed on in my journey back to Him.
Think of it like this. You have been lost and away from home for many years, estranged. You aren’t sure how to just go back home to your parents house (will they welcome you?). So you go to your Aunts or some other relative, wait a minute (build up the courage), then go back to your parents to find them overjoyed that you returned. They don’t care what you did, they only care that you are home.
This is how it works for me. So as I said, I had been talking with God, confused, angry, despaired, wanting this cycle that repeats every so often to be over, once and for all. So in that desperate frame of mind, I was asking God to either give me some certainty, or allow me to not believe at all.
I am not sure how much time transpired from that prayer to His answer. I had been standing outside waiting for my husband to pick me up from work. A woman I know of walks out, I told her to have a nice evening, like I do to others who walk past. I knew of her but didn’t know her if you know what I mean. She walks past me about 50 feet then turns around and comes back to me. She hugs me and tells me that God loves me. I am not a big hugger so this was weird for me. All I could think about after this was how weird it was and how creeped out I was. It wasn’t until recently that I realized that God was answering my prayer from many months before.
Today I drew the parralel from the story of Zechariah not believing the angel and having to live for the next nine months without being able to speak. Sure, I was able to speak. Confusion on the other hand, had that for a bit.
I am thankful for His love!