Restless wanderer

Hello 🙂

I spent a great deal of yesterday listening to sermons from my [baptist] church.  I heard some really powerful messages, one series in particular was called “come home” and was about those who [like me…and you at one point or another I’m sure] have fallen away, or been lead astray, or kind of just wandered.  And then we get in a rut where we are reluctant to go back because of fears and guilt.  Bottom line, it spoke to me.

It got me doing some soul searching as I started to ask myself some questions such as…

Where have I grown the most in my faith in Jesus?

Why or how did I end up wandering each time I faltered?

How do I come back or what brings me back?

I am not really ready to get into the gritty details of these questions in particular just yet.  I really just want to air my frustration.  Can I vent…ramble…will you listen?

Why does the Catholic Church not feed me?  I pray for faith in the Real Presence and He gives it to me more now than ever, in a real tangible way.  I am overcome with joy at the Blessed Sacrament that my eyes well up with tears that I can celebrate it.  [I am hoping to not offend but trying to be real here.]   What I am saying though is, beyond the Blessed Sacrament, it’s empty to me [well, today it is…knowing myself I can very well wake up tomorrow refreshed and renewed and sure of where He has me].  I had someone tell me that I shouldn’t need anything more than the Blessed Sacrament, and while I can totally see their point of view as it is Jesus, I also can’t because it’s not like Jesus in the Eucharist is available all day everyday.  

Catholicism is very private and personal while other faiths, like baptists, are very corporate and faith is shared, life in the faith is celebrated together.  Maybe that is the point of this struggle that I am having.  I am sure they are out there somewhere but I have never experienced Catholics living catholicly together.
Light bulb moment.  I know someone is going to tell me Jesus is available to me, all day everyday everywhere, I just have to talk to Him.  I’ve done that, plenty of times and end up in the same uncertain place.

I don’t know, everything seems so complicated.  

I went on to listen to a couple of the “sola” sermons and was really interested in listening to the sola scriptura sermon.  I was disappointed, and am thinking about emailing the pastor on it.  The gist of the sermon was about how scripture is Gods word and can be trusted, it’s all true, the stories are all true.  This didn’t answer the question of authority though. I totally believe the Bible is Gods word, no doubts about that.  But the question is, how did Christianity spread before the written word was available to everyone…over hundreds of years?  What was the authority before the ink met the paper?

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