Over the past week I have faced so much doubt in my decision. I was thinking about calling up my old pastor to talk about it, I didn’t though. That likely would have sold the deal in my un-reversion. So I have prayed and just suffered with these clouds of confusion.
My priest hooked me up with a Sister to be my spiritual director. I meet with her in a week. At this point though I am beginning to wonder if I should even waste her time. So today I went to adoration. I prayed. I also observed. There were some people there truly worshipping with complete focus. I am almost certain the walls could have been falling and they would not have moved. What was I doing? Folks. I was having a hard time staying awake. Begging and pleading for faith to believe. I ended up standing in the back of the church, tears filling my eyes, just asking for the Lord to help me. Help me believe He is there in the Eucharist. Help me believe He is calling me home to His church. Just help.