I was planning on writing about this the other day, but as life happens, I lost track of time. Then, I read this article and thought, well I guess I should go ahead and post this now. I have been back at this Catholic thing for what, 3 months now? Over the past month or so, I have seen myself struggle some. Struggle a lot, really. I have had the same doubts creep in that have crept in many times before. Instead of taking those doubts and running, I am sitting here observing myself. I am watching what happens when I actively pray, actively participate in the Mass versus what happens when I get lazy and slack off on the prayers, or just go to Mass.
This will be of no surprise to you, faithful Catholic Christian. But to me, it was a surprise. It is actually pretty exciting. After…eh hem…38 years of living on this planet, I think I am finally growing into a more mature stage in my faith. [why has it taken me so long to mature in faith?]
Realization!!!! When I have prayed earnestly, and participated in the Mass (mind you, I am not receiving Holy Communion yet), I can literally feel my faith deepen, I can feel faith roots firmly plant in moist rich soil. Contrast to that, when my prayers become vain, and by saying that, I mean, just praying without focus and attention, and when I have allowed Mass to be more of a chore than something I have looked forward to, I have literally felt my faith begin to die, and watched the doubts resurface, and the thoughts of running away have come to mind. Yet as those thoughts wander in, I reflect at my time in the Baptist church, and while I know I was loving the Lord with all my heart there, I was also missing greatly the opportunity to meet Jesus, literally, right there at the alter. There is really no place I can go that offers this, other than the Catholic church.
All that is to say, I will happily pray my Rosary again and again, it truly is a powerful weapon!
Partakers of the heavenly calling 