Preface. I originally wrote this post in July 2012. It has sat in draft status since. I wrote it at a time when I was having trouble figuring out what to write because each time I sat to write, my mind went here. I was supposed to post it back then, and I didn’t. I am learning now that I need to be intentional in my obedience to God. There are times He calls me to do something or say something, and I don’t do it. Not because I want to disobey Him, but because I don’t want to stand out in the crowd, I don’t want to draw any attention to myself whatsoever, or I don’t want to offend. Small things like lifting my arms in worship or kneeling while worshipping or just plain old speaking the truth in love. I feel Him pulling me to these actions and I resist because I don’t want to be looked at. So the same happened here with this post. I didn’t want to put myself out there with the truth of who God is to me. I felt Him pulling me to do so, and I disobeyed. No more. 2014 is the year that my relationship with God becomes radical. It is the time when I am ok with become a bold follower of and for Him. You want to know why I love God so much, just ask!
–Originally written July 18, 2012–
I have these thoughts that consume me, thoughts of my FATHER, my GOD. I haven’t been able to write anything until I shared this, I guess. Every time I thought of something to write, my mind came right back here….to my FATHER. I honestly don’t know where my fingers are going to take me right now, and I imagine I will probably ramble. I trust though that GOD will deliver the message that HE has been pressing on me to say.
My relationship with GOD is so….frustrating. Of course not because of HIM, because of me. It is like my relationship with GOD is a journey through mountains and valleys. At times I am passing through difficult terrain and others times it’s like a stroll in the park.
When it seems like I am walking through the torrential downpours and seem like I am lost, HE is always there. Best way I can describe it is like when my dad took the training wheels off my bike for the first time and I took off. I wobbled, shook my handle bars back and forth as my arms were locked so tight. My dad was right there beside me at arm’s length but didn’t grab me. I fought through it until I gained my balance. That is what this is like. It’s like I know GOD is right there, with his hand just inches from my arm, but at the same time because of my own apprehensiveness, HE seems so far away. This difficult terrain I am just coming out of.
What is interesting is that each time I come out of this difficulty in my relationship with HIM, my heart is set ablaze. I mean literally, GOD is consuming my mind. My heart is rushing and I am filled with such a strong need to praise HIM. I am filled with such a strong desire to worship HIM. I have no doubt that GOD exists.